S.A.V.E.R.S

As promised, today I am writing about the miracle morning. It is the routine I have decided to adopt. I honestly think this is the morning routine I was trying to build for myself, but didn't know how.

The miracle morning was created by Hal Elrod. His story is a good one, but not the point of this post. If you are interested, check out his book. (It is free on Amazon for Kindle Unlimited subscribers and there may be a free audio book on YouTube.) In a nutshell, Hal Elrod hit the lowest point in his life and resolved to fix it. He decided to take the six most common recommended habits for bettering oneself and dedicate twn minutes a day to each. Six habits, ten minutes each, means one hour of time to give to yourself. The acronym he came up with for these habits is SAVERS.

The first S is for Silence. Take ten minutes to simply be. Meditate. Focus on your breathing. Pray. Do whatever you like that gives you a quiet ten minutes of peace.

A is for affirmations. Be positive. Be generous and good to yourself. Affirmations aren't a "but" statement. "I'm a good writer, but I need to do more." Create your ideal self and hype yourself up. "I am a writer and there is an audience waiting for my books."

V stands for visualization. This can be where everyone's favorite website, Pinterest, comes in. Look at images that depict the life you want to create. Visualize yourself living that life.

E is for the habit of exercise. You only have ten minutes. Get up and move.

R stands for the habit of reading. Personally, I'm going to read a few self-improvement books, an inspiring memoir or two, and take this time to really study some fiction. If I want to write, I need to be able to dissect what others have done.

The last S, as I said yesterday, is for scribe, the habit that has brought me back to this blog.

Try these habits for yourself. One hour each day, ten minutes per habit. It can't hurt. ;)

Morning routines

So, remember that time I said I would get back to this blog? Yeah, me neither. Which begs the question - why am I back here? Well, whether there are still faithful readers (after this long? Ha!) or, more likely, I'm just shouting into the void, I'm here for the same reason I was ages ago. I'm here for me. Here's the long and short of what brought me back.

The miracle morning.

Okay, so that's the short of what brought me to blow the cobwebs from the corners. I'm staying home right now. After six years in retail and becoming an assistant manager, I quit my job. This was both a long time coming and a good thing. I will have to return to the work force, but that is an obstacle for another blog entry.

Since I am staying home with my sweet daughter, who is almost eleven months old, I knew I needed a routine. So, I made one. It didn't work as well as I wanted. Then, yesterday, I discovered the miracle morning.

This system came from a self-help book called The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. What Mr. Elrod did was find the various self-improvement practices he had heard were the most effective and combine them, ten minutes for each habit, to make a one hour routine. The acronym for the habits is SAVERS. I will write about that tomorrow.

Without completely spoiling tomorrow's blog entry, suffice it to say that the last S in SAVERS stands for Scribe. That, in a word, is why I'm back. I'm claiming my identity as a scribe. What routines do you have in your day?

See y'all tomorrow.

Pregnancy movements

I am 19 weeks, 5 days into my pregnancy and what a roller coaster it has been. My biggest stumbling block so far has been in my first trimester. I had nausea, but never got sick (such a blessing.) Instead, I made my own very special mistake. I stopped taking my ADD medication. Why? Well, I wanted to see if I could do it so that I would know later. The answer, inevitably, was a resounding and overwhelming NO!

I made it ten days completely unmedicated. There was no weaning down because my pills are only one mg. There's nothing to wean down from. Without my meds, as I already knew, my lizard brain takes over. Whatever looks best in the moment is what I do. There were a lot of naps and a whole lot of not focusing on one task for any amount of time. Lots of anxiety too, which was new. So, after ten days, I got back on my medication and things are going much better now. When I told my OB/GYN about my little experiment, she was supportive of both my experimenting and my going back on meds. "If you need them, you need them." Her words.

I had another appointment this week and, as has been the case so far, made it out with a clean bill of health for me and my baby girl. She also didn't give up anything. No face pictures. Legs together. Shifting away from the ultrasound wand the whole time. My husband texted me with "Aw, already so modest!" upon learning of his daughter's stubbornness. I replied back. "Sweetie, if she's taking after you, she probably just thinks the camera is going to steal her soul."That's exactly the kind of thing he would come up with!

An interesting development this week has been feeling her move. I've done a lot of research and seen these first movements described with wonderful imagery. "It feels like popcorn popping." "It feels like a butterfly flapping its wings." Well, I'm not sure what these mothers are feeling, but that's not my daughter at all. When she kicks me, it feels like she's kicking me. It feels exactly what being kicked from inside feels like. It's uncomfortable. Sometimes it just plain hurts.

The pregnancy is going well. I'm looking forward to future developments and am so excited to meet my daughter. Even if she kicks the hell out of my insides between now and then.

A test entry

I am not actually writing this blog. Instead, I am on my new cell phone, a Samsung Note 5 I believe and I am writing this blog using the speech to text feature.

At the moment, I am walking along in our lovely Texas weather and on my way to work for the day. I work a 6 hour shift today and then this evening Joshua is going to pick me up and we're going to go game. We've been gaming on and off for about the past three years or so I think with another couple. Most of our games have been in Dungeons & Dragons but we've recently switched over to the GURPS system. Our current campaign is a group of paladins which are warriors who get their powers from whatever deity they choose to pray to. It's been a lot of fun partially because this is the first time in three years of gaming together that my husband and I have been at the table both as players. In the past, one or the other of us (usually him) has been acting as the dungeon master who runs the game for the players. So this is been a very fun switch in our normal routine.

There isn't a whole lot else going on. I'm proud to say that I finally got my chores into a routine that I can keep up with. The house is finally clean to a level that I'm able to maintain it with only mild difficulty. It may not sound like much, but for me the fact that I can maintain the cleanliness of the house for the first time since we've been together is huge. I know that my husband gets anxious when the house is too messy whereas I get anxious when it's too clean. I think we found a nice balance we can strike. And honestly it just feels good knowing that everything is where it's supposed to be and it feels even better knowing that I'm the one that got it there.

I'll see about posting some photos tomorrow.

Seeking changes

My current project is really one I have been dragging my feet on and I need to stop. Now that Joshua and I have the house in our names, the next goal is improving our credit and getting us both into careers instead of just jobs. This plan pretty much means I'm trying to find something new. This is not news. I've been looking for something other than retail for a while.

Joshua keeps making suggestions that I'm sure I could do, but they all involve one thing. Nursing? I need a degree. Teaching? I need a degree. I worry that nursing is not going to stay the booming career path it seems to be now. As for teaching, the schedule would be great, but I know the pay isn't and I'm not looking to relocate.

I told him today that the simplest option, as far as a fast start and immediate money, would be setting the house up as an at home daycare. Getting certified through the state isn't difficult, but getting clients in a teeny town like Blanket could be a challenge. The other option, as has always been there, is writing and self-publishing, but even that isn't guaranteed money. I've looked into work from home jobs and, for most of them, our internet is too slow. My experience is almost all customer service, so I'm largely stuck applying for customer service positions. And now I'm through fussing and ready to start researching. I'm sure if I look hard enough and work hard enough, I can find something that lets me work from home, get the benefits I need (even if this means paying out of pocket), and ensures I make the amount I need to. There's got to be something out there.

A potato tradition

Joshua and I have a tradition and that tradition revolves around potatoes. Yes, that most humble starchy root vegetable is a cause for celebration at our house and here's why.

Over a year ago, on April 8, 2016, we officially moved in to our house. It was, as my previous blog entry states, a mess. And adding all the boxes of our (read: mostly my) belongings on top of everything already there was...a little much. So, we're in the house, we've been packing and moving and driving back and forth all weekend long with little more than the briefest breaks for meals. We had been working so hard. Finally, it was around nine pm and we had brought the very last load of belongings: the pets. Once the animals were relocated, that was it. We were done. I had Chip, our lab/chow mix, in my car with Andy, our tabby cat, and Franklin, our red eared slider, safe in carriers in the backseat. Joshua had Bruno, our Rhodesian Ridgeback, in his truck, with a cat carrier full of chickens in the bed. This was it. This was the last step.

We unloaded, got the animals settled, and poured ourselves into chairs at the tiny green kitchen table I'd bought for my little apartment two years back. Then, we realized neither of us had eaten for hours. Okay, what is there? Answer: nothing. With the move, we didn't know how long it would take to get utilities run, so we ate all we could and passed the rest around before the move. Very little refrigerated food. Everything canned is in a box and the can opener is in another box. Nothing is open in this town of 400 this late at night. Neither of us want to go anywhere, not just cause we (read: I) don't want to leave the animals alone. We've got to figure this out.

Finally, we found two potatoes, some butter in the fridge, two bottles of water, and the salt shaker. I popped the spuds in the microwave (because the electricity was hooked up) and started them cooking while Joshua dug for silverware and dug out another plate. Ten minutes later, we had a very simple meal: baked potatoes with butter and salt and water. We relaxed, unwound, and just took in everything that had happened in the last seventy-two hours. We had uprooted our entire lives and relocated to a house that we were buying. It was all a little wild in that moment. There was no going back to our old house. We were home.

This year, on April 10th (scheduling prevented the tradition beginning on the anniversary date of the 8th as it should have) we recreated that meal and began our tradition. Every year, we will have baked potatoes and water. One half of each potato will be exactly as it was that first night: butter, salt, nothing else. For the other half, one topping will be added each year to represent how far we've come. This year, we added cheese.

Does your family celebrate any unique traditions? Where did those traditions come from?

Back to writing

And it feels so good!

Yesterday, I went over some of the "broad stroke" changes that have happened in my life. Today's entry will be another one bringing my readers up to speed. (Are any of you still out there?) Even if I'm doing nothing more than shouting into the void, I'm going to try and keep doing it. Here goes.

As I've said, my husband and I are buying a house in Blanket, Texas. The house used to belong to my step-dad's cousin and was built in 1904. When we got it - there's no way to be really nice about this - the place was a mess. We spent the first month getting two rooms cleared out. Not functional or fully set up. Just getting the trash out, setting aside important paperwork, and getting things swept and clean. At one point, we hauled a literal ton of trash out to the local landfill. And only two items in that ton were furniture. When this happened, our king sized bed was still set up in the dining room - the only room with enough empty space to put it.

After we got the rooms set up to bare functionality we started feeling the struggle of being home owners. First, the plumbing went out. Joshua spent almost a month getting new lines run just to the bathroom. Then, we had to replace siding. It is so difficult to find even original looking siding when the design you need isn't made anymore. We had to have it specially ordered. All the while, we were still taking baby steps on getting the house in order. Clearing trash out of the yard, mowing til the mower broke, pulling old carpet from one of the bedrooms and peeling up the old tile in the kitchen.

The list of projects and work we have done goes on and on. We've been in the house for over a year and we finally have it in our names. As of right now, our remaining big projects are: running electricity to the attic and living room (the rest of the house has been successfully re-wired), painting the nursery, painting the dining room, painting the exterior, replacing two windows in the attic, getting the bathroom sink to work (this may never happen short of a full replacement), and removing a wall between the pantry and the living room. I'm sure there's something on that list I'm forgetting and that's without all the stuff that needs done outside.

All in all, I'm proud of the work we have done. We have a decent looking, hot in the summer and cold in the winter,  two bedroom house with an attic. Given time, we plan on adding a wrap-around porch to the front and possibly converting the attic into a master bedroom and a library/gaming room. Photos to come. Maybe. If I remember. For my next entry: a tradition about potatoes.

So many changes - and a reboot

So much has changed since I was last in this little corner of the web. Let's run down the list.

I'm very happily married to the love of my life. We've been together almost four years and our second wedding anniversary is next month.

We are in the process of buying a house in Blanket, Texas. The town is exactly as small as you'd imagine - maybe smaller. ;)

We got the house transferred to our names this week So excited!

And...the big one.

WE'RE PREGNANT!

I'm fifteen weeks along. This is my first pregnancy and we're having a little girl. She is due to join us in late September of this year.

My plans now are to revive this blog and get back to writing. Starting CPR now.

Foundations

Well, a lot has changed in the last two days and I am so excited! My husband and I are working on buying a house. I also got my own car! The car isn't much to look at, but no vehicle I've owned has ever been very fancy. The house needs a lot of work. It'll be a few months of cleaning before we can move in, but I am so excited! More updates coming soon with, hopefully, details on the cleaning and setup and renovation.

Too many ideas

I have been writing more often in this blog, my new blog, and some fiction ideas. As far as the blogs, I am not sure which I want to focus on yet, so I will be copying posts between the two until I decide which to stick with. The fiction writing is what I want to talk about tonight.

I'm working on a few scenes, adapted and stretched out from D&D sessions my husband and I have been playing. These scenes are a lot of fun to write because they were moments that spoke to me during the game. They are also challenging for many reasons. Firstly, I have to come up with character appearances and setting because those are things we don't always elaborate on around the gaming table. Because no details were given in the moment, I have to provide them out of nowhere. This isn't always my strongest suit. The second challenge is keeping to the source material without using the source material. I need to describe and tweak, for example, the effects of D&D spells without naming them because I don't want to get sued. I currently have no plans to publish any of these small scenes, but see no reason not to plan for it either.

Then, there are the random ideas floating around. I have about half a dozen of these and some of them have been sitting untouched and unstarted for months. One idea I got tonight has some potential because I took some storytelling aspects that I like reading and decided to put them in a story. I haven't settled in to write it yet, but that's tomorrow's goal. 

I've also been teaching myself some new languages (Spanish and French) on Duolingo. Things are going slowly, but moving along well. What new venture are you trying? How do you make a decision when there are too many options?

Today, my brain didn't work right

This morning, I was scheduled to work an opening shift - and my alarm didn't go off. I woke up an hour late, quickly got dressed, and got in the truck. Once I got to work, I saw that the store was already open. One of my co-workers had misread the schedule and thought he had the opening shift. I explained my lateness and showed him the schedule. He then offered that we switch shifts, giving me the day free. I agreed.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I returned home, having been awake and moving for less than twenty minutes. This had to be the moment my meds kicked in because I remembered why I had requested the opening shift today. It was my father's birthday party this evening. And, now that I had to work the closing shift, I would miss the get together.

I did more than mentally kick myself as I called Other Mom and made my apologies to Poppa. My parents understood, of course, but it didn't stop me from feeling lousy about the whole situation. When I got to work for my closing shift, the miserable feeling continued. Yes, I was beating myself up, but not (as much) about the missed party.

Instead, I was miserable due to my new schedule. After working tonight til 10:30 pm, I have to be up tomorrow and at work by 7:30 am. Yay. -.-

All of this I blame on two things: technology and my ADD. Technology is to blame because my alarm did not go off. My phone shut off while on the charger last night. Kicking myself number one. ADD is to blame because I forgot about the party that my family had made sure to arrange around my work schedule. Kicking myself number two.

Yeah, it has been a fun ADD day. Hoping tomorrow will go better. Stick around to find out.

Have you ever forgotten a big, important event at the last minute? How did you cope?

Ideas lead to ideas

Life is going crazy. I am dealing with stress at work and trying to plan my wedding at the same time. The ceremony is in May. Two months and change to get everything figured out. Yeah, I think I am going a little nuts.

I finally finished fighting with the insurance company at work and, hate to say, lost the fight. My health insurance is now coming out of my own pocket. Not cool, but necessary.

I am also getting back to my writing. Sitting in the break room at work, I was roughing out a chapter for my current WIP when, inevitably, I got another idea. So, while working on my current big project, I will be jotting down notes for a side project. If I can pull it off, things should be interesting. If I can't pull it off, at least I am writing again. There is never a time that doesn't feel good.

What is a long lost project you have come back to? What are you working on that's new?

Pursuing my passion

Whatever writing bug has bitten me, I am thrilled to announce that my drive has not lessened. With the internet down, a lot of my work was put at a stand still for the moment. Of course, the internet malfunction also means I don't have a lot to do with my down time but write. I love productivity excuses like that!

Right now, I have a decent number of projects going. I'm continually adding to my novel in progress. I'm working on some short fiction and some articles. These days, if I'm not working or cleaning, I'm writing - and it feels great!

There's some news

Oh yeah. I started a story forever ago over on my writing blog. There is all of one entry over there. Maybe I should add to that. Whoops.

Well, I am slowly getting back to my writing and my blogging, as evidenced by this entry. Honestly, I'm loving it. The tedious hard work part of it is kind of agonizing as ever, but that's because I have to make myself work. Once I get started though, I just feel this instant release. I am so happy I am finally back to writing. Not only am I back to my writing, but my boyfriend is fully supporting me. I swear he has asked me three times today how many words I have written. Until now, I had to admit that my count was at zero. I got in from work, kissed him on the cheek, cuddled for a minute, and now here I am, typing up a blog post.

My biggest piece of news, other than the writing (do I ramble about it enough?) isn't official news yet. My sweetheart and I are trying to buy a house about fifteen minutes from where we live now. It is the next town over and a little bit of a commute for both of us, but that's not so bad. Especially since this house will be ours as opposed to a rental.

The house in question is next to his aunt and uncle and across the highway from my grandparents, so we have a small support system out there. We will also own a few acres of land. My sweetheart is really interested in homesteading and living off the land, so that is what we hope to establish out there. Right now, a lot is riding on hope. And the waiting is killing me.

Is there something you are waiting for that you want terribly? Have you recently recaptured a dream or set a goal? Tell me about it.

Setting goals - again

I love writing and I want to write more. This blog has heard it all and then some from me. So here I am again writing about wanting to write. Not only do I want to write but I'm hoping I can find ways to make money by writing. Freelance work does not pay a lot, I know, but a girl's gotta start somewhere. Before I can dive into the freelance world, however, I need to cultivate better writing habits in myself. I need to write more. Here are my goals and my plans to accomplish them.

Goal: two blog entries per week minimum. This entry is one down, one to go.

How it will happen: coffee. No, I am not just talking about the drink. I go to coffee at least three mornings a week over at my grandma's. This is sort of an event, lasting at least two hours (8am to 10 am or so.) I should be able to crank out easy writing while I am here visiting.

Coffee time is also part of my plan for completing goal two. I plan to finish (first draft) at least two chapters on my current work in progress per week.

The above goals should have me writing three days a week at least. To fill the empty time, I am looking at a third goal. I want to write a story for Princess Emma. My goal is a completed first draft manuscript by the end of next month.

Up next, the addendums. Well, there is only one right now. While at coffee, I am allowing myself to write from my phone as long as 1. I write at least 100 words (this number will go up in the future) and 2. I verify with someone else there that I am not just goofing off online, posting to reddit, etc.

Finally, the consequences. At present, thanks to a lucky hand at poker, my boyfriend owes me backrubs. If I fail at my two blog entries/chapters per week, he will get one backrub removed from the total he owes me. Can I think of any other consequences? Not really.

I am sure there will be more goals and rambling and such here later. Watch for it. What goals have you set for yourself?

Thoughts on writing (or Hello again!)

I recently got my typewriter working properly and have loved using it. The following is the first piece I wrote on it.

There is something wonderfully tangible about typing on a typewriter. The tool hearkens back to writing in its earliest days. As I am learning, it is not the easiest feat. Challenges aside, the simple tangibility is wonderful. There are sounds you can only achieve from a typewriter. The weight of the keys under my fingers, the pressure and precision required to hit the correct keys at the correct time, is so different So wonderfully different. I wonder how Steve might have felt about this process.

He was fond of word processors, which, at their core, are simplified computers. I can not wait to type things out and learn the joy and frustration of editing my work by hand, one page at a time. I wonder how many pages I can type on this old thing once November arrives.

I have a very important bet/challenge going on with my mother and Nessa. We are all taking part in National Novel Writing Month. Whomever writes the most cumulative words by the month's end gets a free meal of their choice, paid for out of the loser's pocket. With that bet, my mother also has publishing contacts that are willing to take her manuscript. Upon completing my own manuscript, I intend to use these same contacts, but it hardly changes the facts. After four years of doing PR and reviews, my mother has contacts and connections I do not. I suppose I'm a little envious, but such is human nature.

My plans for this November are to write out Aracayn Darkwood's story as my boyfriend Josh relayed it to me when he ran a Dungeons & Dragons campaign last fall. I have felt, on rare occassions, like this is unfair. After all, I did not come up with the story on my own. On the other hand, the main character is entirely mine. Either way, this is the story I have resolved to tell - the one he gave me. Such a wonderful gift.

Aside from the obstacle of schooling my mother, I am struggling with other challenges I will face this fall. For one thing, I have not achieved 50k words within a thirty day time limit in the past three years. I also have more responsibilities at work. I am going to see about requesting some vacation time, but do not know if the company will allow it. The idea of several consecutive days off is nice, but I know I would leave my coworkers in something of a bind. Is my writing worth that to me? Ha. Such a silly question. If it were not worthwhile, the question would not be there. Well, I suppose this is giving me more practice on this old thing as well as getting me in the habit of writing every day. November, here I come.

My typewriter needs a name. Think on this.

On being pushed

Yes, life is pushing me. All things considered, this pushing could be coming in a more positive way, but cest la vie.

I know it's been a while since I have blogged. Some of that is due to time constraints. Some of it is due to the sheer repetition these entries would have if I did blog. Today, however, I need to get this whole mess out of my brain and off my chest.

Since graduating from college, I've learned a lot about myself - namely that I'm able to hold down two jobs for (currently) over a year and a half. At my full time job, I've had my schedule changed almost constantly. I've been given a few raises. I've been moved to other positions (and then lost them when someone else was hired on to fill the spot) and different shifts. I've done all this with very few complaints, just trying to do my job to the best of my ability. I've been promised promotion to a management position. That hasn't happened yet. In fact, I've been bypassed for promotion twice. I've also been promised a raise substantial enough that I can work just one job. That also hasn't happened.

At my part time job, I was hired to work Friday evenings and all day Saturday and Sunday. My schedule has remained consistent with only two exceptions: inventory and Christmas. Even when we lost one of the four employees we have there, my manager did not change my schedule because she knew I had another job. She also made adjustments when I had to be at job 1 at 5 am, letting me leave an hour early.

Today, I was told that Friday's schedule has been permanently changed from 7am-2pm to 7 am-4 pm. This is the shift I usually work. The problem? I have to be at job 2 at 3:30pm. If I get the schedule adjusted to 4pm instead of 3:30:

1. a (admittedly small) cut in hours - at a job where I make just over minimum wage.
2. going straight from one job to the other, which has the potential for lateness every week (and leads back to point 1)
3. zero time to eat between shifts.

It also, in my opinion, isn't fair for me to ask this of my manager because it was made clear when I was hired that I was needed on three specific days and specific hours. Those hours have remained constant the entire time I have been there. Changing them, adjusting around job 1 permanently like that... it just doesn't strike me as fair.

I've been asked by many people which job I prefer. The simple fact is this: I can not choose between them because I need the income from both locations. I prefer one no more than the other. But now, I'm caught in the middle of the two places again, trying to do my best by both my managers. I can't get pushed like this anymore. I just don't know what to do to make this work. Something's got to give.

Rambling about reclamation

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything here. It's actually been a while since I've written, but I'm putting a stop to that today. So many words have been silenced, stoppered up inside me as I tried and failed to make time to write. No, wait - "tried" and "failed." Yes, that's better. Why the air quotes? Well, it's pretty simple.

I've had the time and the opportunity, so "trying" to make time isn't an issue. Instead, I was filling my spare time with other stuff, less important "priorities" that shouldn't be as high as they are on my list. Worse yet, my subconscious has been sending out signal after signal. Don't believe me? Take a look at the list of books I'm currently reading.

-Chicken Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for Writers
-Rules of Thumb: 73 authors reveal their fiction writing fixations
-30 Steps to Becoming a Writer
-Writing Past Dark: Envy, Fear, Distraction, and Other Dilemmas in the Writer's Life

Yeah, a lot of the time my subconscious has to communicate with me in horrendously obvious ways. It's sort of like passing a sign that says "caution: falling rocks" and then getting hit by a three ton boulder.

It's weird and wonderful how I feel right now. Even typing out this random blog entry, this stream-of-consciousness things that's really not talking about much of anything, I feel so free. This feels right.

I call myself a writer. It's time I re-claim that title.

I always seem to pick bad times to do this as far as my personal calendar goes, but oh well. Camp NaNoWriMo's July session starts in just a few days. Inventory at one job will keep me insanely busy for the first week, including two back to back fifteen hour days, but all that should be over by the eighth. This year, for Camp, I'm writing about two characters who I've been writing for for almost ten years. I'm not sure yet what's going to happen to them, but I know I'll love every minute of it.

Have you re-claimed anything lately that made you feel free, more like yourself?

Tired

Today, I'm tired. Now, this isn't tired in the sense of not getting enough sleep. I'm actually getting more than I think I need since my body is not used to the time change yet. I do good to roll out of bed by eight with my body thinking it's only seven. Still, I'm tired.

I've been working two jobs for nearly ten months. And I'm tired. I'm tired of the day to day grind. I'm tired of having no real free time. I'm tired of spending more time awake at work than I spend awake at home. I'm tired of working on every day that ends in 'y.' I'm tired of having no money or, on the flip side, having money but not letting myself spend it on little things so that I won't have no money. I'm tired of having no time to work on personal projects I want to see fulfilled. I'm tired of having no time to work on things like the blog or my YouTube channel or my writing. I know I have a certain quality of life in that I am in a nice apartment, I have food and clothes and all my basic needs taken care of, but some days it feels like that's it. And I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of having little time for any creative endeavor. I'm tired of having less time to even read a frigging book. I'm tired of never knowing when my next day off will be or if I'll get one. I'm tired of knowing I have to keep doing all this because of the paychecks. I'm tired of wondering if I'm even going anywhere with either of my jobs. I'm tired of just spinning my wheels.

In short: I'm tired.

There is no further point to this post, no moral or nice ending to try and change my mood, no attempting to look on the positive side of all this because I'm just too tired to do it. Today, by virtue of a required meeting as well as my eight hour shift, I will be working an eleven hour day - twelve if the meeting runs long and I can't zip home to get food. I'd better go get breakfast. Thanks for reading.

Teeth and Angels

While working one of my jobs Thursday night, I was hit unexpectedly by a pain in my mouth. Now, I'm not talking about a little twinge of pain or a random broken tooth that ached. This was almost enough to bring me to my knees. For the remaining four hours of the shift, I stuck it out and kept working. However, I called in at my other job, telling them not to expect me the next day. This freed me up to set a dentist appointment for any time the office could take me.

On the way to my Friday appointment, I got sick. I kept trying to eat since dinner the previous night hadn't been til after ten pm, when I got off work. Everything I ate came back up almost as soon as it hit my stomach. My girlfriend, who was so sweet to drive me to the appointment, said I probably had an infection. At the office, in the chair, I found out she was right. After a brief examination and several x-rays, I was told my wisdom tooth was impacted and infected. I was given a shot for the infection, some painkillers, and some penicillin. I was then referred to a dental surgeon to have the tooth removed.

There's something strange about leaving the dentist's office and still being in the same amount of pain you were when you walked in.

Now, I'm continuing to go to work every day, trying to keep any cold air from my right ear, which also hurts. Every evening around six or seven p.m., the temperature drops and I enjoy a fresh dose of pain. Since the holidays are upon us, I have to wait at least three more days before the dental surgeon's office is even open. When scheduling the surgery, I'm not even going to let myself look at my work schedule unless I absolutely have to because this needs to be done. I have got to get this tooth out of my head.

I was working yesterday, distracting myself from the ache and pain really, when a customer came to my register. As I'm ringing up her merch, she asks how I'm doing and I'm honest. I explain about my tooth and how it hurts and how I'm trying to ignore it. She asks if I have any pain reliever or anything to numb my mouth. Yes on the pain reliever, but I'm not taking it yet because it tends to make me drowsy. No on the numbing agent because oragel doesn't last long and I have no orabase. I'll probably go to the business next door and get some on my dinner break. Wouldn't you know it, ten minutes later the woman walks back in with a freshly purchased tube of orabase? I thanked her so many times and here, I'll do it again.

Thank you for proving that angels still exist.