Again with the goals

With graduation two weeks away (!!!) I've gone and set more goals for myself and given myself more personal projects on top of my school work. Smart decision? Probably not. Nevertheless, I'm going to try and get everything done. The current project is a writing portfolio. I'm a little surprised I don't already have one pulled together. However, I'm not precisely shocked, which is somewhat unfortunate. Clearly, I know myself too well and don't always work hard enough on shaking myself out of old habits. With that fact recognized, I'll move on. Discussing my own shortcomings is not the topic of this particular blog entry.

The first thing I need for this writing portfolio is more samples of my writing. I do have a few things - research papers written for class, two one act plays I wrote, poems from creative writing, etc. - but I really need to punch it up and show the range of my talents. I'll be pulling entries from this blog to show some of my personal, non-fiction writing. I also plan to lurk some of my own character posts over at a few of my RP sites (more on this later.) Beyond that, I need to figure it out. I could add my NaNoWriMo wins, but am not 100% sure at the idea of including unedited manuscripts that were written in thirty consecutive days and still aren't finished. Besides the sheer massive outpouring of writing for word count's sake that is NaNo, I don't have the means at present to print out those monstrosities. Maybe I could skim some favorite sections and offer them with a summary of the previous action.

For a lot of the writing portfolio, I intend to pull heavily from my favorite RP site and the one I've been on the longest, Big Damn Verse. I've been a member since before that particular site existed and have served as a member of the admin team since fall of 2007. Going into our seventh year, the site has maintained a lot of the same core group of members and a lot of the same staff. We have seven years of original story lines, characters, etc. built up and plenty more to come. If I'm going to be pulling samples of my writing, I'd be stupid not to be pulling from my other online home.

My other big BDV project is a constant work in progress that I need to get caught up on. It won't happen until after graduation, I'm sure, but it's not impossible. That project is the BDV history. I came up with the idea back in 07 or 08 to summarize each of the episodes the ships run through. This would allow new members to know more about what each ship had been through and what sort of characters might fit in with existing story lines. It would also give veteran members a chance to re-read and examine character story arcs away from the massive amounts of collaborative writing that take place in the in-character threads. It seemed like an easy way to step back and make sure we didn't have too many identical SLs running or spot running themes or view a running storyline arc on its own, etc etc etc. I think I kept up with the project for six months, but that guesstimation might be too generous. Now, I feel like I need to dive back into it because 1. it's a project that can, in theory, be "easily maintained" once it gets up to speed, 2. I still think it would offer new members a tremendous advantage, and 3. bragging rights. If I'm able to catch every BDV history thread up to speed on my own, I will be able to say without any doubt that I've read every IC post on the site. That's the theory, anyway.

So, there we have it, the list of things I'm going to work on when I'm not doing homework or packing or cleaning the apartment. Ha! Wish me luck. I'm afraid I'll need it.





Disclaimer: Big Damn Verse is a Firefly/Serenity based RPG. ALL Firefly, Serenity material including characters, Firefly/Serenity photos & graphics belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, and Universal Studios. The Big Damn Verse is NOT affiliated with any of the above. We make no profit, nor do we ever intend to. Disclaimer text copied from BDV main page.

Habits for Life

I will be twenty-five in nine days. For the last month, my approaching birthday has alternately been a cause of stress (twentyFIVE!) and a passing thought (while I freak out about homework instead.) Because I'm growing bored of all this freaking out, I've decided to make a list of some of the habits I've developed that I'm grateful for. A lot of people my age (generally referenced as "twenty-somethings") are spending a lot of time "finding themselves" through working, attending classes, or both. Frankly, I'm more than ready to begin the next stage of my life and it's thanks to many of these habits that I know I am ready.

Sleep schedule - I've seen people look at me like I'm crazy when I use this phrase. I don't understand why, cause it's not complex. I don't stay up til four a.m. and then drag myself to class after just a few hours of sleep. I don't stay up all night working on a homework assignment or studying for a test. I get at least six hours of sleep a night.

Budgeting - There's still money in my bank account! Win! I know how much is there! Double win! When I spend money, I do still have a habit of over-spending, but my shopping sprees aren't very common. After a shopping spree, I spend nothing for several months. Of course, I also live in an on-campus apartment and have no bills, so that makes it easier to spend no money.

Finishing things on time - To be fair, there are times I finish things right before they're due (I am still a college student) but I am breaking that habit. I can say, proudly, that I have never stayed up all night to complete a school assignment.

Focusing my energy where it's needed - I'm not a partier. Never have been. I'm not a big fan of clubs or bars or anything of the sort. Because of this, I'm able to focus on what I want or need to focus on. My attention is on school or my writing or my goals, not on going out and getting bombed.

Relationship drama not found - Okay, story. My freshman year a friend asked me for advice. I told her, honestly, that she didn't want my advice. After saying this three times, I gave in and allowed her to tell me the problem. What it amounted to was "I like this person but he doesn't like me and this other guy texted me and I don't know what he means and etc. etc. etc." Me: "Keep in mind, I told you that you don't want my advice." Friend: "Yes, I do. Please." Me: "Okay. You asked for it. First of all, the person you like doesn't like you. Does not like you. You're wasting your energy. If you want to know what the text message meant, ask the guy. To his face. Also, we have a test tomorrow, so you might want to study for that first." Yeah, I can be a little bit of a wet blanket, but my feet are on the ground and I'm not crying over some break-up or whatever.

Determination and follow-through - If (WHEN) I pass my classes this semester, I graduate in May. I've been here since 2006 and I graduate in May. In one year (after a semester of suspension that led to my ADD diagnosis) I brought my GPA up from a .93 to a 2.6 and now I graduate in May.

Yes, I am ready to get out of school and start the next phase of my life. Maybe with these habits, I can make it in the real world.

Chicken Soup Epiphanies

During a study break, I opened one of the handful of Chicken Soup books I own. Shockingly, it was one I hadn't read - an entire book dedicated to resolutions. I started flipping through, reading some stories and skimming others, when perspective crept up out of nowhere and slapped me across the face. Resolutions, if you think about it, are nothing more than setting goals. This is something I always try to do, but don't always succeed on.

Two stories in particular caught my eye. In one, the writer resolved to stop watching television. She estimated that she had added six years to her life by filling former tv time with other activities. In the other, a writing student passed on the wisdom of his teacher. "[A rejection letter is just] proof that you're writing." As I read this, I heard a click as the truth of the simple statement sunk in. Now, this statement is over my desk in the hopes that one day I will begin collecting rejection letters of my own.

It seems both interesting and ironic that I should read a story about gaining free time and about the craft I so love on the same night that I made a significant move to clear my own schedule. No, I didn't drop out of school. I narrowed my personal extracurricular activities, specifically my involvement in online role-plays. If I can get up the guts to make the big leap, as of tomorrow I will only be on one RP site. I will only have one online distraction/commitment to maintain and I know the people there will wait for me.

In making this decision, I'm dropping about ten RP characters (the number would have been unthinkable had I done this six months ago.) As an avid RPer, this is a pretty big deal for me. I've been taking part in RPs for ten years. Am I ready to quit entirely? No, but I don't think I'll ever quit entirely. Today, however, I've decided to move away from any RP groups I participate in that I don't get anything out of. If playing my characters is nothing but a time-filler, the sort of thing I could do with my eyes closed or in my sleep, if I have no plots to play or characters to build off of, I'm leaving that group.

It's time I take my spare time seriously and do what I actually want to do.

Enough Already

I'm beginning to wonder if there's some law nobody told me about that says a person's body has to fall apart before they turn twenty-five. It could be some sick, twisted coming of age thing, a test to see if I can face the rigors of adulthood - since, apparently, six years in college with ADD isn't enough. Even if this isn't true, it doesn't change the fact that I've been sick for almost a week and the timing just plain sucks.

On February 29th, exactly one month before my 25th birthday, I started feeling a little ick. Flu like symptoms, very sore throat, and a dry cough. I started taking vitamins, took a couple days off from school, and figured the weekend would help this blow over. Now, it's been almost a week and I'm still sick, running a fever, and suffering from random nosebleeds that aren't really unusual, just annoying. Nosebleeds I'm used to - except the one I had Saturday that lasted over an hour. That wasn't fun. Still, it can be worked around. I'm keeping towels nearby and some saline to keep things from totally drying out.

Today, I gave in and went to the doctor. Basic questions were asked and answered - multiple times. My ears, nose, throat, and breathing were all examined. I was told I had a viral infection and a sore spot in the roof of my mouth. A prescription was written and I took it to get filled. Now, I get to take bactrim (in generic form) and cough syrup with codeine and have instructions to return if my symptoms have no cleared up by Friday. I know I can only take the cough syrup at the end of the day because codeine turns me goofy. The drugs I'm not sure about. I know it won't hurt me to take them. Then I read this on a website: "[This drug] will not treat a viral infection such as the common cold or flu."

Um... What?

Anyway, I'm now taking a drug that may or may not help me and looking forward to spending my evenings in a codeine laced stupor. Other than that, I'm digging myself out of the growing pile of homework and generally just trying to keep myself together.

Awesome speech project

In a week or two (we have not been given specific dates yet, which makes planning difficult), I have to give an informative speech in my business communications class. Because it's better to speak on something you're interested in, I've chosen to give a speech about vloggers who use YouTube to promote their businesses/charities/personal ideologies/philanthropies. I'm going to limit my 4-6 minute speech to a focus on people whose primary fame is on YouTube; namely, Alex Day, the vlogbrothers, John and Hank Green, and their Project for Awesome (P4A) and StickAid, co-founded by Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike) and Myles Dyer (blade376). I will also include, in the beginning of my speech, a brief overview of the history of vlogging.

Hopefully, I'll be able to record/recreate my speech on my own youtube channel, InkandGrit.

I don't think I've ever been more excited/nervous about a simple class project. Wish me luck!

Textbook Torture

This evening, I decided to be a good college student and do some homework. Once I found my textbook. After tearing my room apart, I found it, which was fantastic because this meant I wouldn't have to spend $100 on a new copy of a book I already owned. The book in question is for my Spanish class, which I am taking as an online course and am required to complete with at least a D in order to graduate college in May. (No pressure!) After a good ten minutes (and a bad even more minutes) of searching, I finally found the unbound textbook and stuck it into a bigger binder than the one it had been in. No, I did not destroy the textbook by ripping it free of the binding. This is the new trend - unbound textbooks are, apparently cheaper and can't be returned for any kind of refund once the semester is up. Yay for keeping books you'll never need again!

Anyway, I find the book and get online and go to the site where the class is and read up on all the information and am thrilled that I now don't have to spend $100 to purchase another copy of this textbook. I got my refund check earlier today (helped pay bills at home) so I'm not flat broke, but $100 is a lot of money for one textbook! Especially when it's a book for a class outside my major field of study and outside any field of interest. I'm taking the class because they're making me. So, I go online and I look at the information and I realize I need a book key. A book key is a 19 character one time use only code that registers your copy of your book with the site. It comes with the book when purchased new. I'm pretty sure I bought my book new...but I can't find the book key.

Resume the tearing apart of the room I'd almost had cleaned. I'm looking for a piece of paper covered in printed type with the code on it that I need to register my book online. Without the code, I can't do any of my work or even see the assignments. I check everywhere - all my bookshelves, under my bed, my trashcan, even my car - but, alas, it is nowhere to be found. This also means that the solid paper and ink book sitting on my desk is of no use to me. I check the site and there's a question there. "What if I bought my book used and don't have a book key?" I check the answer - and the link provided takes you right back to the spot where you can pay $100 for a digital copy of the book, required code automated so it will work with no trouble.

I start searching the internet, ranting about the situation, and the like. A friend heard about my problem (because I called to vent my frustrations) and found a place online that sells just the book key for $30. Oh, joy! A way to save money! I purchase the code and get the code and plunk it into the site where I still have not managed to begin my Spanish assignment and it's now been an hour...and the code gets denied. I try again. Denied. I type it manually. Denied. Denied, denied, denied.

Okay. Setback. Irritating setback. Maybe I can get my money back. Oh no, wait. Because the book codes are one use only, it's in the site's rules that no refunds are allowed on those products. Does this make sense? Yes. Am I happy about it? No.

After another block of searching/ranting/searching/exercising some of my vocabulary's more vulgar selections, I swallow my pride and feel my pocket-book tighten. I have to spend $100 to buy an e-book copy of a text I already own so that I can do the required work for the class so I can graduate after six long, exhausting years. I go to the site and type in my information. My card gets denied. Twice. Because it had been used too many consecutive times in one day (what with the bill paying and such) and the activity, understandably, would seem suspicious. You know, if thieves regularly went around paying bills registered to the same address as the card they stole.

Oh, did I mention that this Spanish class is having an online meeting tomorrow for anyone who might have questions about the content of the course? Yeah. I'm essentially meeting with my professor tomorrow, albeit over the internet, and I have not managed to do ANY of the required work and, in fact have no idea what kind of work is in there because I can't get a freaking book key! Tomorrow, after class, I'm going to, again, try to give this company my $100 to purchase an electronic copy of a book I already own so that I can cram in as much work for the class as physically possible from the time my classes end at 2 and the meeting starts at 7.

This is how colleges make their money. They team up with websites/organizations/textbook companies who have no simple solutions, only sticky fingers. I can't wait to get out of here! Give me my diploma! It's been six years!

Reminders, excuses, explanations

First things first: check out the links in the sidebar to the right! Clicking the first link for the giveaway might lead you to win a $10 Starbucks gift card! Keep an eye on my blog/vlog (you're reading one, the other is linked up on the right) for more giveaways once I get money!

Current giveaway entrants, if you tweet the giveaway, please make sure you return to the entry each day you tweet so that your tweet can be recorded as an entry because if you don't those tweets will not help you raise your probability of winning! Thank you so much everybody for entering! You're all amazing!

Moving on.

I spent part of yesterday roaming around campus with the intention of vlogging. My netbook (the teeny laptop with the built in webcam and very little storage space) didn't want to connect to the internet in my apartment and I didn't want to try and figure out the issue. Therefore, I had to walk the three blocks to get to campus where I could pick up a wireless signal. My theory was that I would pick up a wireless signal and then record a vlog entry from either my iPhone or my netbook.

My theory was severely flawed.

As I discovered, campus was dead. Like, dead dead. Classes start on Tuesday and this weekend everything, everything, EVERYTHING is closed. The library was closed and the student center was closed and the dining hall was closed and it's really creepy to be walking around this moderately sized college campus and see NOBODY walking around ANYWHERE. Well, I did see some people, but they were on a tour of the campus, which told me they were not yet students and caused them to fall from my radar. Okay, it wasn't quite that literal nor that immediate because I'm really not that rude, but hopefully you get my point.

After roaming and prowling my apparently abandoned campus, I settled in to do some vlog recording from my iPhone, which I don't like because it formats weirdly. Yes, I could have used the netbook and let it run off battery power, which would have allowed me to also edit my video before posting it and would have led to no bizarre formatting, but I didn't want the netbook to just run off battery power and with my luck it would die.

I also had no idea what to vlog about.

Interestingly, in my mind, this was the lesser problem. You would think it would be more of a pressing issue, but it wasn't. Instead, I roamed campus some more and wondered at its complete emptiness and lack of visible life. There were times I was thoughtful, like "this is the last time I will be walking around campus on the Saturday before a semester begins because after this I'll have to go into the real world." And then I would wonder what I was going to do out in the real world and why the "real world" has been turned into such a significant phrase. At other times, I would look around and think things like," my god, it's beautiful outside; where is everybody?"

Long story short: I didn't vlog because I didn't know what to say and couldn't find a good place to record. Now that this blog is done, I need to get to the more important things I'm ignoring, like the clean clothes in my closet that are awaiting hangers.

Comment, follow, check out my other ramblings (in both text and video form) in the links to the right and don't forget the giveaway!

Hyperfocus - the key to my goals

Today was a hyperfocus day. That hyperfocus was what really brought me back to this blog. Hyperfocus is this amazingly awesome thing that comes part and parcel with attention deficit disorder, which I was finally diagnosed with my first year of college. (I'll save that story for more potential blog fodder.) My hyperfocus days are kind of rare, at least in my opinion. Others who know me might disagree, but hey, its my body and I know it best. Maybe I need to back-track and explain.

Hyperfocus, when it comes, allows me to narrow my normally wide focus down to just a few things. I never really know what I'm going to be focusing on until it happens; it's not something I can choose to do, though I've tried in the past. Sometimes, I'll get lucky and hyperfocus will kick in while I'm studying. It's not a side-effect of my medication either - which I actually didn't take today. Oops. Oh well. I managed fine without it. Today, fortunately, became a goal setting day.

Goal one: clean my bedroom. I've been wanting to do this for days. Today, I got it done. My closet got emptied and re-organized, my bed got fresh sheets put on it, and there are big empty spaces on my dresser and desks where piles of books, notebooks, and papers used to be. A few days ago, when this need to clean up my personal space started, I dug everything out of my closet and even got rid of a few things I never wore or had owned too long and wore too much. The rearranging was done carefully as well, deliberately designed to prevent me from pulling out the same dozen or so t-shirts that I wear all the time.

Goal two: blog again. Yes, yes, I know, my blog has been far too quiet for far too long. Real life caught up to me with a vengeance. That, too, I'll keep out of this particular entry. Things just got crazy during the semester. Today's entry is the first step on a new road of blogging.

Goal three: work out. I already walk daily - two miles a day average while walking the dogs. Today, I didn't take the dogs and man, oh, man did I kick up some dust! Using my iPod to keep my feet moving in rhythm, I kept up a steady pace, faster than a leisurely stroll, for the entire two miles! I felt so good as I was heading back home that I found myself looking around for a way to lengthen my route. I'm hoping to reach a point where walking can turn into jogging and, eventually, running. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Goal four: eat more. Tied in with goal three. By jogging, I can do twice the work and cover half the distance. Because I want to work out more and, in addition to my daily walk, will be taking a yoga class twice a week next semester, I know I've got to up my caloric intake. Every semester, school reaches a point where I don't have time to really eat as much as I need, never mind enjoying the meal. Then it hits the point where I simply don't enjoy the food because the options never change. Breakfast is the worst culprit, a meal I'm already not terribly fond of. Hopefully, this semester, I can figure out a balance.

Goal five: find next semester's class schedule. (So much for the room cleaning... I know it's in here somewhere...) I need to write down a schedule and include my classes, my meals, my work-out time, and a potential part-time job, along with study time, writing time, blogging time, down time, and time to do the work I need to do as part of a member of the theater department. Budgeting I'm not so hot on, but scheduling I think I can do.

I've read before that you're not supposed to share some goals with other people. Of course, that bit of advice was solely in reaction to writing and I have tried to keep a few of my story ideas under my hat. These goals, though, I'm sharing here so I can be held accountable.

Yeah, my blog on hyperfocus turned into me yammering about personal goals. Oh well. Welcome to the mind of an ADDer! What personal goals have you set? Which ones would you like to set? What holds you back from meeting your goals?